The words I couldn't say- STOP KILLING US

Today, May 27, 2020 on my IGTV I made an attempt to say these words out loud. But I couldn't get them out, not in the fullness of the way I wanted to. So I am taking a moment to drop them here. 

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Whether you believe in God or not, this is a truth that grounds me and has been so eloquently written by Ps. Brian Houston in his book, Live Love Lead, "... we are made in God's image as relational beings, created to belong, to serve, to worship, and to live in community."

If COVID-19 teaches us anything, it's that we are more connected than some of us would like to admit. We are seeing the real impact of our actions and choices in someone else's life. 

#StopKillingUs has been a rallying cry for me, but it's bigger than the "us" that looks like me. 

I believe that there is a God, whose perfect plan is the reconciliation of His creation to Him and then to each other. 

The Bible talks about the Body of Christ and this beautiful representation of a body. When you put into perspective the various parts of the body and all their roles and responsibilities to make the body whole, it is a beautiful illustration of who we are in Christ and who we are as a COMMUNITY. The Bible highlights when there are pieces of the body missing, that the body won't function at its best. 

When you think about your body when it is sick, the body will attack itself, trying to kill out what should not be present. 

Applying this illustration with natural eyes to the recent story out of Minneapolis, MN, then yes, 4 officers killed a man who didn't deserve death--- insert any act that ends in someone's life being taken. At the end of that narrative, a life is lost. 

I cry out and grieve for the significant loss of life, because the Body of Christ lost a member. A member that would have been a perfect fit for this Body. I cry out because the body is attacking itself! 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr has a quote about his freedom being inextricably linked to that of another. When will we get it that the virus of racism is killing ALL of us! We are all dying at it's sight. 

This body is ACHING! 

This body is BLEEDING!

This body, OUR BODY, is WOUNDED AND NEEDS HEALING.

It needs the healing of knowing we are meant to be in community with each other. 

It needs the healing of knowing we can't survive this life without each other.

It needs healing.

We need healing.

My body needs healing

MY SOUL CRIES OUT!

His name was George Floyd, "He Couldn't Breathe."

MY SOUL CRIES OUT! 

 

It's not about having the "Right words," but having words, PERIODT.

In light of the recent case of Amhaud Arbery who was murdered in what can only be named a hate crime. It's in moments like this- Black death as a result of racism, creates emotional upheaval for me personally- as a Black woman in the United States. It breaks my heart and if you look back to these posts, you'll see that race relations has been a significant through-line for me.

This recent murder and the footage that was released almost two months after his killing, raised many of the same emotions and feelings of disruption, disappointment, anger and fear, that the previous cases have. The collective grief that becomes unearthed at each tragic loss is very much an open wound for many Black, African descent Americans. 

I was reading a Blog Post from Hillsong Collected, titled The World Needs a Saviour by Ps. Bobbie Houston. In it Ps. Bobbie notes the following:

 empathy is “the ability to lean in and identify with the difficulties of another”, regardless of whether you have experienced that difficultly firsthand or not.

 Reading this literally raised something for me that I didn't quite dig at as much. In times passed, I have struggled with what feels like silence, particularly from white people around the racism that is being actively displayed on social media platforms, in the form of Black death. It has been frustrating at times to feel like, my pain is not recognized, cared for, or even validated. 

I have at times "lashed" out on the silence of friends, hoping to break through to connect with the human experience and the pain and suffering that either I or others are experiencing. 

What I hear and took time to listen to with more intention this last time was "I don't know the words to say."

WHEW!!!

When I finally heard and really received those statements in the context of this loss of life, I realized something. My friends' statements vocally or through their social media platforms, stating "I don't know the words to say..." isn't a bad thing. It isn't a silent thing as I was making it out to be. 

 I struggle a lot with having words and really ,"the right words," to say to make someone feel better. It's in our nature when grief comes to be able to say the "right" words to "fix" something. To make our friends, family, whomever we are interacting with "feel better."

It is in this way of entering the conversation that I myself have failed. One significant detail that comes to mind is the Pulse Shootings in Orlando in 2016. I didn't "rally" the way I can sometimes expect my friends to "rally" for me when someone who looks like me is murdered in a very public way. I missed an opportunity to be present for my friends who were in pain and were likely hurting from the aftermath of these shootings. 

I realize I don't always "rally" for my friends navigating with trauma proximate to their lives.... Why? Not having the "right" words. The words I hope that bring solace or comfort or "fix" the problem.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with others who rejoice; Mourn with those who mourn

 

 There are no "right" words that will take the pain away. But we show up anyway. Romans 12:15 makes it pretty plain and simple-rejoice with others who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  That alone gives us a tie back to Empathy. You don't have to be connected to the emotions directly in order to say, I am with you. 

Right words are words of love. 

Right words are words of validating someone else's emotions.

Right words are words that tell some one you care about, I don't have the answers. I know I can't fix this thing, but I see your pain and I am with you. 

Right words are words that celebrate the highs and are there in the lows. 

Right words are getting out of our own way. Our comfort and being proximate to someone else's pain. Not because you "get it," but because you may want to. 

Right words are merely showing up, saying I see you and I am with you. 

Don't forget who you are

It is easy in this work of Social Justice to forget that we are also human, it is easy to get caught up in our own ego sometimes when we think we have a point to win-- but don't forget who you are!

This morning I was on one of my social media accounts and I came across this post that caught my attention.

The post had the following statement:

Now what is noted as "This quoted Tweet is unavailable" might have been removed after my conversation, at least I hope so. But the article that was quoted was written by Monica Potts. It can be found here.

After reading Ms. Potts' article I felt that the individual's tweet was misleading. I don't mind the statement that there in fact could be "white women who overwhelmingly voted for Trump and White Supremacist Patriarchy and [then might now have written pieces] about how they're in danger." But the individual's tweet was misleading in assuming that Ms. Potts was one of them.

So I commented, and made the above assessment. Which turned into the individual becoming defensive. Which continued with me sticking to my point, it is unfair to use that article attributing Ms. Potts specifically as a woman who voted for Trump and White Supremacy. If we can't stand up for people and treating them fairly then we continue to perpetuate where we currently are.

But what broke me was this:

"Here you are doing the work of and for white supremacy"---WOW!
 I'll admit I had to take a breather. That on one blow made me angry, made me defensive, made me want to fire back at him. But instead I chose not to message him back- heck, he asked me not to.

But then he took it a step farther, it was fine I guess, for me to have him addressing me directly, regardless of whether or not it was public but then he did this:

I will own for me being called "white" raises so many of my insecurities. As a young girl, my friends teased me about me "talking white" or being the "whitest Black girl they know." Now I love my friends and I know they meant me no harm but the reality is it still was something I struggled with.

However, his false assumption that I was white was perpetuated by a response (see below) to a previous tweet, where in looking at this entire conversation for me just shows me how far out of being rational his thoughts were.

But here I was in the midst of all of this breaking down because I forgot what is at stake. I broke down because I allowed this stranger to tell me who I was. I let his identity destroy me for a brief moment because I let my ego define me. When in fact I know exactly WHO I am and more importantly WHO I belong to. I am a Christian, who cares about people. I will always care about people. It breaks my heart to see injustice, it brakes my heart to see inequality, but in condemning others

We are called to be Salt & Light. -- We are called to bring out the God-Flavors of the earth. We are called to be light, bringing out the God-Colors in the world. What I did was right, I would again and again stand up for that woman. It wasn't okay for her to be singled out in that manner and even if no one else saw it, it was the right thing to do. But I am also not angry with that individual who is also so misguided in his thoughts that he is literally firing shots at everyone. He was waiting for the attack and I gave it to him. 

I don't know how we get through this, but I can't lose sight of the work I am called to do. I can't lose sight of the fact that even in my anger, hurt and pain, people are on the other side of that. People deserve grace, people deserve love, people deserve the experience of the freedom that I have because of the love that I have for Jesus. People---That's what matters, that's what will always matter.