It's not about having the "Right words," but having words, PERIODT.

In light of the recent case of Amhaud Arbery who was murdered in what can only be named a hate crime. It's in moments like this- Black death as a result of racism, creates emotional upheaval for me personally- as a Black woman in the United States. It breaks my heart and if you look back to these posts, you'll see that race relations has been a significant through-line for me.

This recent murder and the footage that was released almost two months after his killing, raised many of the same emotions and feelings of disruption, disappointment, anger and fear, that the previous cases have. The collective grief that becomes unearthed at each tragic loss is very much an open wound for many Black, African descent Americans. 

I was reading a Blog Post from Hillsong Collected, titled The World Needs a Saviour by Ps. Bobbie Houston. In it Ps. Bobbie notes the following:

 empathy is “the ability to lean in and identify with the difficulties of another”, regardless of whether you have experienced that difficultly firsthand or not.

 Reading this literally raised something for me that I didn't quite dig at as much. In times passed, I have struggled with what feels like silence, particularly from white people around the racism that is being actively displayed on social media platforms, in the form of Black death. It has been frustrating at times to feel like, my pain is not recognized, cared for, or even validated. 

I have at times "lashed" out on the silence of friends, hoping to break through to connect with the human experience and the pain and suffering that either I or others are experiencing. 

What I hear and took time to listen to with more intention this last time was "I don't know the words to say."

WHEW!!!

When I finally heard and really received those statements in the context of this loss of life, I realized something. My friends' statements vocally or through their social media platforms, stating "I don't know the words to say..." isn't a bad thing. It isn't a silent thing as I was making it out to be. 

 I struggle a lot with having words and really ,"the right words," to say to make someone feel better. It's in our nature when grief comes to be able to say the "right" words to "fix" something. To make our friends, family, whomever we are interacting with "feel better."

It is in this way of entering the conversation that I myself have failed. One significant detail that comes to mind is the Pulse Shootings in Orlando in 2016. I didn't "rally" the way I can sometimes expect my friends to "rally" for me when someone who looks like me is murdered in a very public way. I missed an opportunity to be present for my friends who were in pain and were likely hurting from the aftermath of these shootings. 

I realize I don't always "rally" for my friends navigating with trauma proximate to their lives.... Why? Not having the "right" words. The words I hope that bring solace or comfort or "fix" the problem.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with others who rejoice; Mourn with those who mourn

 

 There are no "right" words that will take the pain away. But we show up anyway. Romans 12:15 makes it pretty plain and simple-rejoice with others who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  That alone gives us a tie back to Empathy. You don't have to be connected to the emotions directly in order to say, I am with you. 

Right words are words of love. 

Right words are words of validating someone else's emotions.

Right words are words that tell some one you care about, I don't have the answers. I know I can't fix this thing, but I see your pain and I am with you. 

Right words are words that celebrate the highs and are there in the lows. 

Right words are getting out of our own way. Our comfort and being proximate to someone else's pain. Not because you "get it," but because you may want to. 

Right words are merely showing up, saying I see you and I am with you. 

Silent no more....

I recently came across and article that really struck me and has caused me to rethink what is happening in the world around me.

The article, by Huffington Post, was on the topic of homeless women and sanitation issues. Here's the thing, when I think about homeless people, I realized that my thoughts are limited to just the surface- these individuals do not have a home, and what money they do have is limited.

But I have been blind to the this whole other layer of their experience. I haven't even thought about the health implications, the general inability to care for oneself. And when we think about shelters and the services that they are supposed to provide to those in need, to think about the privilege I have to be able to care for myself in this way as a woman, while another person is not, is truly heart breaking.

Reading this article totally changed my concept and made me have to reflect and segment what it means to be homeless. Having to remember that as women, there are additional barriers that are included within this current categorization of their experience.

In the article the author states," The fact that menstruation is a taboo topic to begin with, means that people who are able to help, often aren’t even aware that such a vast need exists."


This couldn't be more true for me. We don't necessarily talk about women's health in deep discussions outside of abortions, birth control etc. But when it comes to menstruation, a part of the experience of being a woman, something that impacts us all and can dramatically impact our general well-being if not taken care of, we don't talk about it. But we need to talk about it more! There is a part of our society who needs this to be a topic of discussion so that women can get the care that they need.

I would even impart those brands to consider making more charitable donations to shelters to support this need.

I do impart that if you do feel called, to consider making donations for hygienic products on behalf of women's shelters to provide for a much needed and desired service.

There is still much that we can do to change another person's experience. What do you stand for? What will you no longer be silent about?

#BeTheChange