In Mourning.... (Thanks Jamila)

There are many quotes that are running through my head right now as I get ready to put together this post. In particular " All my life I had to fight..." (The Color Purple)  In this current state of the Black experience in the US and even before, we have been having to fight. Fight for others to see us as human beings, to see us worthy, to see us a part of this society. There is a collective feeling of crisis for Black people in this country when we constantly are faced with more and more news that brings back these realities, these traumas of our historical experience.

Another quote that comes to mind is one of Dr. King "They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone."- I have a dream 

A friend of mine posted this image

With it she expressed things I haven't been able to. I am tired, my heart is literally breaking, I walk around in silence around these issues of injustice that I have seen because my mouth hurts too much to talk about it anymore, my ears hurt to much to hear about it any more and I am just tired. I want to cry every time we add another name to the list- I want to scream every time another child is buried, I want to hit something every time I see an insensitive comment, or someone just voicing their opinion just to hear themselves talk. 

I need everyone to take a collective moment of silence and mourn, mourn for the children we are burying, mourn for the loss of innocence that continues to happen by our hands. I am about to turn 30 and I have seen too much in my lifetime that has dramatically shaped and changed my experience in the world. I can't say that it's not for the better, but when death is all too real and all to close to so many of us, when it can be prevented, we are all at fault. 

I will never be a police officer or know what it is like to have to walk out my door and pray I make it home. I hope to never have to face a moment where I am pleading for my life from someone who feels they have the right to take it. But here is the thing, those points of few are the problem to begin with. Black bodies and police officers are living in this mentality of war and have been for so long.  It is this attitude and mindset that continues to bury my innocence, my hope and my trust that things will get better. When officers walk out in an attitude of war, that attitude permeates the atmosphere in real and ugly ways.

But the same can be said for marginalized people. They walk into this world ready for battle, ready for war against the people who are set to "serve and protect."

This life that we are living is NOT NORMAL. And I need us all to stop acting like it is or this should be.  I need us all to take a pause, to take a moment of silence, not to be silenced, but to really think does it matter what our opinion is, who's wrong and who's right when a life has ended before it was expected?

I'm in mourning because I am tired of seeing the battle between two people who I consider friends on Facebook. I'm in mourning because I am tired of being let down by friends who will never understand the pain that I carry EVERY TIME another one of my collective is murdered, is made a mockery and  created into another visual example that who I am in the larger scope of the world does not matter. I am in mourning because until we as a society get it right, you will never know that 
"[our] freedom is inextricably bound."- Dr. MLK Jr. 

"Return to Compassion" -Monica Lewinsky

I was 12 years old when news channels were filled  with updates regarding President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. During that time, our political environment was changed drastically. For me it was the first that I had begun to understand, through my own lens what political scandal meant.  President Clinton became the spotlight of a scandal that involved too many themes, that at the time I did not truly understand.

As I look back though,  I know that President Clinton continued to be at the forefront of news, but I don't think  I ever asked the question "what happened to that young woman?"

There have been a few times since that year that her name has popped up in the news. But it wasn't until I saw it this last time that my interest was peaked peaked by hearing that Monica had participated in a Ted Talk.

Of course I was definitely drawn to this because of what she represents in history, and I am glad that I clicked.  Video courtesy of TEDTalks and Youtube

THANK YOU

I want to commend Ms. Lewinsky for her courage to speak up and out about what she experienced during that time. What I remember the most from that time period was that it was a whirlwind for all involved. At the center of this situation was this anger & resentment directed against the President, but Ms. Lewinsky was unfortunately a casualty of that political firestorm. For years, she has stayed out of the limelight, I think like many others who feel what she felt- shame, whether that was her own emotion or what was pushed upon her from society.

Through her TEDTalk, I reflect on how I have shaped my character as it relates to the plight of others. She says,"The more we click on this kind of gossip, the more numb we get to the human lives behind it."

WOW! I will own, I didn't think about Monica Lewinsky at all. I forgot ultimately that she was tied to the scandal- I mean, I knew that she was linked to the story, but did I think about her?- no! Unlike me, it was easy for others to not forget who she was and what she represented.  Her name has been the center of a joke (pull up Beyonce's latest album and you hear a reference to Monica almost 17 years later), but she is a REAL person, who has had to live with this choice and the consequences of her actions since then. I can't imagine walking in her shoes, knowing that she is who she is to the world around her.

Furthermore, can I just take a moment to also note that Former President Bill Clinton has virtually returned unblemished from this experience. Yes, he is associated with this experience, but he was "allowed" to live his life. He's an well acclaimed author, philanthropist, running one of the most dynamic presidential foundations, while this young woman, wasn't really given the space to have made a mistake.  Look at Anita Hill, she too has had to walk this road as the one who was wrong in her actions, while the man whom she reported gets to continue his life and at the status that he has, and every so often we are reminded of what had happened. We have allowed this to occur, publicly shaming these women for either speaking out of their own volition to say a truth that happened to them, or being forced to be outed as a young woman who made a choice, that had negative consequences.

When it comes to the growth of online communication, Ms. Lewinsky says, "We need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression... Let's acknowledge the difference between speaking up with INTENTION and speaking up for ATTENTION."

I couldn't agree more with her. As much as I like Social Media, I don't think too many actually think about what they are putting out there and how it's contributing to the advancement of society or not. Too often people just post something without follow-up or do not know how to react if another individual comments to open up a dialogue. It's within these spaces that we do not allow young people to grow- as Ms. Lewinsky notes early in her speech- how many of us didn't make a mistake or do something we regretted at 22? I will say I am STILL making mistakes today. We have all made mistakes, but in today's day and age with the rise of the internet and new media, our mistakes never really leave us- they become permanent.

We don't have an opportunity to grow, not truly, because we get silenced and others speak for us about what our behaviors mean. Our mistakes in this day and age become frozen and then associated with "who we are, at the core." I feel sorry for those who are younger than me, because the shoes they walk in is much tougher in these conditions.

I think her point for me is the most valid in social media such as Yik Yak an anonymous posting site that allows anyone to post virtually anything. The anonymity scares me. In the context of race relations, I  could be sitting next to the person who is making a racist statement online,  with no ownership of who they actually are. It reminds me of Eli Wiesel when he wrote about the silent witnesses in Nazi Germany in his book Night. Paraphrasing from Wiesel, it wasn't the Nazis that he was most worried about, it was those who didn't stand up to what was happening, that he was concerned for the most. This is how I feel about Yik Yak, it isn't the person who posted the statement that concerns me, it's those individuals who decide to encourage that thought by upvoting that does. I couldn't imagine how Ms. Lewinsky could have survived if Yik Yak had been around when her mistake was made public.

In listening to her talk, I was most moved by what she stated regarding the culture of compassion, and her reflection on those days, weeks, months and years  when her parents were afraid that she would die. When it comes to these experiences, we all have a role to play. She was 22 years old, it wasn't her choice to have this story or her life go public. But we placed her there, to stone her, to make her the "evil one." How many others will we allow this to happen to, before we remember that there is a human life attached to our tweet, yak, upvote, like, favorite or retweet?

I don't want to be numb to the human lives that are behind the story, what about you?

Silent no more....

I recently came across and article that really struck me and has caused me to rethink what is happening in the world around me.

The article, by Huffington Post, was on the topic of homeless women and sanitation issues. Here's the thing, when I think about homeless people, I realized that my thoughts are limited to just the surface- these individuals do not have a home, and what money they do have is limited.

But I have been blind to the this whole other layer of their experience. I haven't even thought about the health implications, the general inability to care for oneself. And when we think about shelters and the services that they are supposed to provide to those in need, to think about the privilege I have to be able to care for myself in this way as a woman, while another person is not, is truly heart breaking.

Reading this article totally changed my concept and made me have to reflect and segment what it means to be homeless. Having to remember that as women, there are additional barriers that are included within this current categorization of their experience.

In the article the author states," The fact that menstruation is a taboo topic to begin with, means that people who are able to help, often aren’t even aware that such a vast need exists."


This couldn't be more true for me. We don't necessarily talk about women's health in deep discussions outside of abortions, birth control etc. But when it comes to menstruation, a part of the experience of being a woman, something that impacts us all and can dramatically impact our general well-being if not taken care of, we don't talk about it. But we need to talk about it more! There is a part of our society who needs this to be a topic of discussion so that women can get the care that they need.

I would even impart those brands to consider making more charitable donations to shelters to support this need.

I do impart that if you do feel called, to consider making donations for hygienic products on behalf of women's shelters to provide for a much needed and desired service.

There is still much that we can do to change another person's experience. What do you stand for? What will you no longer be silent about?

#BeTheChange