Domestic Violence and the NFL Problem

Hey Y'all- so there are times that my love of other things converge, because the reality is social justice isn't a one lane experience. So I have a love of sports, and if you love sports too, you should check out my sports blog. But in this there is this very real social issue that is taking over the airwaves in regards to the NFL and domestic violence. I posted the following blog on my Sports Blog, but also felt it important to post here.

Why- Social Change. I think ultimately when you get out of the details of the individual story, in general, the NFL has fallen short of a real opportunity they can do to make a difference in the lives of individuals victimized by Domestic Violence at the hands of their players. I think it is important that the NFL takes a deeper look at their standards and their penalization process and looking at how they can make a more conscious effort to do better....

Ray Rice, Domestic Violence and the NFL's REAL Problem

Hello Hello, it's me SportsGal89 Innnnnnnn the Buildin'. Today I come to you with a little bit of a heavy heart. The game I love is being dominated by a really important story that is very hard to ignore, and like any person who loves the game, has feelings about how the game is being handled, but also cares about social issues in general and people, it is important for me to comment on this current story. 

The Backdrop:
 In February, a video surfaced of Ray Rice carrying is unconscious fiancee from an elevator. Many stories surfaced and finally it became clear that Ray Rice and his fiancee had gotten into a physical altercation. An act that Ray himself wasn't denying and something that his team and the NFL were aware of. As a result of the information they had, the NFL suspended Ray Rice 2 games at the start of this 2014-2015 season. 


The Current Situation:
 On Monday, September 8, 2014 a new video surfaced of what happened BEFORE Rice carried his unconscious fiancee from the elevator. This video, mind you was consistent with Rice's story as it related to him striking his now wife. The video was graphic as a visual, watching a man like Rice, punch his significant other twice, the second punch causing her to fall to the side and eventually to the ground before being carried out of the elevator. This was the first time that the public had seen the video and according to the NFL the first time that they had to. 

The Failure of the public, the Ravens & the NFL:

 Let's talk about Domestic Violence first. According to the National Coalition of Domestic Violence:
DID YOU KNOW?
 Approximately 42.4 million women in 
the United States have experienced 
rape, physical violence, and/or stalking 
by an intimate partner in their lifetime

 1 in 3 women have experienced 
physical violence by an intimate 
partner

 1 in 10 men have experienced rape, 
physical violence, and/or stalking by an 
intimate partner in their lifetime

 30.3% of women in the United States 
have been slapped, pushed, or shoved 
by an intimate partner in their lifetime

 3.2 million women have experienced 
severe physical violence by an intimate 
partner

 Intimate partner violence accounts for 
15% of all violent crime

 Intimate partner violence is most 
common among women between the 
ages of 18-24
 19% of intimate partner violence 
involves a weapon

So here's my thing. Domestic Violence is a troubling statistic, it is one that many people champion as their cause to shed more light on and gain more support for. This is not me being catty, but the stats are the stats. When the story first came out in February, where was the outrage and dismay? Did we really need to SEE it happen in order to know it was wrong and disturbing? A man three times the size of his wife, an active athlete told the world, he struck his wife twice and was able to knock her out and carry her unconscious body out of an elevator. That alone, should have been enough for outrage and movement.  

It disturbs me that a decision of misdemeanor assault was placed against Ray Rice with the following  entrance into the Pre-Trial Intervention program, and rehabilitation, that included anger-management classes.I think that there is a standard that should be set for athletes regardless of who they are or what they are faced against. Military men and MMA fighters can have their bodies named as weapons due to all of their training and ability to "walk away" from certain situations. I think regardless of whether or not Janay had hit Ray or was aggressive towards, him it does not at all give him the ability to hit her the way he did. He backed up, she came towards him and then he punched her in the face again... He a 200 + lb man could have wrapped her up and told her to chill if he felt she was out of hand.

Then you have the Ravens, who to this moment, I don't believe issued their own infraction at the time of the February video coverage. Instead the only group that did anything was the NFL. However, here are my concerns the NFL failed in their penalization of domestic violence cases and as a result how they handled the situation to begin with, in February. The NFL is STILL FAILING now because when the Ravens decided to release Ray Rice, that should have been their decision alone, but the NFL could have done better by not suspending Ray Rice indefinitely, but saying he is suspended for a year, with a probationary period that involves him seeking anger management counseling, marriage counseling, community service in a domestic violence shelter, charity work etc. The NFL seems to fail in their over all support in how they address not only this social issue but all social issues. If the NFL doesn't want to be chasing these issues then they need to be involved in setting up programs tools and resources that better their "investment" in the athletes they hire.  In the same way they have taken on financing research regarding connections to head injuries while playing and mental health, they could most definitely do better when it comes to domestic violence and their players. If they and really any other sporting league continue to act as if these incidents that come out in the public are one-offs it does nothing to change the underlying culture that is domestic violence and other issues within the NFL and those other sporting leagues.

I think where people are most frustrated is this tangled ugly web of lies that the NFL keeps finding themselves in. With this Ray Rice situation, the NFL and Goodell tell us one thing and then we find out they did or knew something else and then there is all this back and forth and well, stop saving your image and actually do the right thing! 

A Beautiful Convergence of things I love- Politics and sports:

My background is political science and so watching this story become as big as it is, is unfortunately fascinating for my poli sci brain. Reason being, there is this interesting backdrop of these overlap in responsibility.

In February you had an incident that occurred, that by our societies standards is the law's responsibility to do something about it. But then you have this overlap, because here is Ray Rice a football player which has it's own system of governance outside of the law, right.The Ravens weren't the ones who instituted a punishment or suspension, the NFL did and their standards are very off compared to what the public believes is reasonable for "crimes" so to speak. I think that there is an element that there are too many hands in the punishment jar (for lack of a better phrase). I think the biggest thing we are seeing right now is the disparities between the legal process and the NFL's own standards of punishment. This is why so many people are up in arms with the number of suspensions that are being added for one issue or another. It's not equal or fair, in the eyes of the public because of how loose or aggressive the decision has been. 

I mentioned briefly that I think in regards to the NFL's governance standards a little bit more they need to do a little bit more and go farther in how they are punishing their players. I work in Higher Education. Our conduct system reminds me very much of what is happening with the NFL. So when a student is found in violation of our university policies we not only provide an element that directly impacts the student, but we also provide an element that assists in the education and learning of these entire campus as well. 

Where the NFL for me fails is that there is this lost element of education and support for players when they are punished etc. Example, the NFL is heavy on suspending and fining our players from games. That only impacts the player and in most areas doesn't change the behavior by any means. I think that the NFL needs to look at how they are bettering their players rather than looking at what they look like as an enforcer of standards. Example- when a player is suspended x amount of games for Domestic Violence, aside from the suspension couldn't the NFL issue some anger management course, couple's counseling, spousal support etc. And a restriction that this is consistent throughout the season and up for review post season etc?

And in this case in particular with Ray Rice, I think the punishment was waaaaaay too much. I think the NFL failed not only the public but Ray Rice. Comments on one of my groups likened this case to Chris Brown and here were my comments:

 I think there is a huge difference between the Chris Brown case and this one. I say this one as a former avid fan of Chris Brown and one who recognizes the hardships it takes to distinguish between the law and responsibility as the NFL is involved in. Chris Brown, was charged in the court of law and was given a sentence and punishment as deemed by the court. He for what the public deems right by the justice system served his time. We didn't see what happened in that car, but we saw the results of what happened in that car. The reason why I am no longer an avid fan of Chris Brown is he still makes the same choices to be a giant douchebag and present aggressive behavior that goes against a one time case of domestic violence. He is just a violent aggressor period. In the case of Ray Rice, the reality is a visual does much more than talk. Ray Rice was upfront about what occurred, but the only image was him carrying his unconscious fiance out of an elevator. When it was clear that they had been in a fight, I think no one could have questioned or been surprised about that the video that is making rounds now. What did we expect happened? Where I don't fully agree with the decision by the NFL is the idea to black ball Ray Rice. Essentially, the NFL is taking the law into their own hands with this penalty, one because they fucked up, but it doesn't solve the problem Harbaugh, John, not Jim, had it right when he said in the press conference yesterday that the road ahead is going to be different for both Ray and Janay, but we the Ravens will be here for them however we can. That is exactly where the thought should be. I think that what occurred in that elevator is far from a one time case and what I think the NFL has neglected in this decision is their responsibility to support, educate and guide their players better. 6 game suspension for domestic violence cases, doesn't teach a player to be less violent and it doesn't provide care or support for the victim either. But what occurred yesterday was that NFL needed to recover their image.

I think ultimately telling Ray Rice that is form of livelihood is completely over is too much. I would have been happy moreso with Rice being suspended for a year after being release from the Ravens, with the provision that he seek counseling, that he get involved in community service, that he take anger management courses etc. But this actually doesn't teach anything, it just shows the world that the NFL is seriously trying to save their own asses than support their investment of the players they have. I think the NFL has a bigger responsibility because it is their image and they are responsible for the actions of their players but they can't just release people and think that fixes things. It doesn't.

It's a touchy situation, but the reality right now is that because of all the mistakes that are making, the Rice's themselves are suffering the most having to relive this awful situation and having to be ridiculed daily.

No right or wrong answer, just my reflection.

That's all she wrote folks...

Be Outraged... But stand up

Hello friends:
 It is a troubling time in the world today. In the United States in particular, there are specific things that are polarizing this country and are causing people to speak up and speak out about their experiences. Hot topics if you will.

  Michael Brown (18 years old, shot and killed in Ferguson, MO, shot 6 times twice in the head by a Police Officer). This happened on August 9, 2014- My Birthday.

Ferguson, has erupted into a "state of war" rioting and looting occurred, which charged an increase of police and media presence. What are supposed to be peaceful marches and protests turn into a scene from a war zone- tear gas, rubber bullets are used to "calm" a crowd, but that type of use essentially ignites more anger and outrage. Yet again, members of the Black community are pulled back into this situation where we are feeling as if our young Black males' lives are not worthy in the eyes of those who are supposed to protect and serve. There is a charged and distorted view regarding a sense of justice in this country. There is a blaming and almost  a sentiment by some that an 18 year old boy deserved to die. It's disgusting, it's degrading and it reminds many that at the core of this conversation, some people would still dehumanize a young man.

My take: The story is not new. It's sad, it's heart breaking, it ignites fear for me as a Black woman with the potential to raise young Black men, that I could lose them too soon. Additionally, the back drop of this story is sad and heart breaking. I am tired of having to retell this story and almost defend the anger of members of my community. It hurts to have to explain to someone of an opposite race, why the senseless killing deserves more attention and a change in the heart of many in this country. It sucks to see that at the heart of this a young man was murdered and instead of seeing a fair balance of justice in this, we are still arguing about a whole lot, that no one really has the want, desire or interest in FINALLY discussing and dismantling of the real ill- RACE anxiety within this country.

I'd rather not walk in fear of raising young Black men. I'd rather not cry when I hear that another young Black male was gunned down by the hand of someone who was supposed to "protect and serve." I would rather not have to look into the eyes of my 16 year old nephew or other young Black males in inner cities and see their eyes with this question of "Am I next?" We all have a responsibility to do better, to be better, to expect better of each other and I just pray that we finally begin to listen to each other.

2 Days after Mike Brown's story began to take over the news channels, another story jumped into the spotlight. On August 11, 2014 Robin Williams (Actor & Comedian) committed suicide and "ended" his battle with depression. 

His image and comments about his acting legacy spread across timelines, news feeds and every other social media and news outlet possible. For some people on my timeline there was a sense of disturbance with the fact that Robin Williams' story was going to out-shadow the story of Mike Brown. There were some sentiments that he shouldn't be celebrated, because he chose to end his life. 

My Take: Until you have walked a mile in another person's shoes you will never know the battles they have to face. Be blessed that you do not suffer in the way others have. Be outraged that someone like Robin Williams wasn't able to find peace enough to not have to end their own life. Be outraged that we do not spend enough time talking about depression or mental illness. We have a history to pen up, shut out individuals who don't express themselves in what we think is normal. We have had mental hospitals, we heavily medicate in the hopes of creating "balance", we don't talk about depression or mental illness as if it is something that almost every person has the potential to fix. 

We shouldn't be angry that one story is outweighing another. We should be angry that another life was lost. That another family and set of friends has to grieve the loss of life, because even if it is at your own hands that loss of life is still very real and very hard on those who are left behind.

His story is what will make me accept the challenge

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge This challenge was started to raise awareness for ALS-  Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis also commonly referred to as Lou Gehrig Disease, is a neurodegenerative disease that effects the nerves in the brain and spinal cord. It causes degeneration in motor skills and is extremely debilitating. It's a genetic disease that is hard to watch someone you love go through it, and equally just as hard to go through it as well. Right now there isn't a cure. Now I am not sure how this challenge got started. But it took individuals to see that there was a need for them to see something changed about an issue they were passionate about. 

Then this thing spread, where people were being challenged to dump buckets of Ice Cold water on themselves and challenge the next group of people. 

There are two sides to this, one where individuals are actually standing up and raising awareness to the disease, not only by accepting the challenge AND also making donations to the ALS Foundation or other organizations that are searching for a cure. 

But then there is the other side of it where people say I'm doing this Ice Bucket Challenge OR I am donating money to ALS.

My Take:  I take issue with the "OR," the purpose of this challenge isn't to just be that person who is dumping ice and water on your head, but to also raise awareness for something. My issue with social movements as of late, is that they fall short of significant action (at least in my opinion) I am a Social Media junkie, I use it to my advantage, heck I am writing a blog about my thoughts and opinions on some of the biggest issues that are inciting so much talk and traffic. But I do more than just blog, I challenge myself to learn more, I challenge others to have the conversations, to push ourselves out of our boundaries. It's not about me being on a soapbox, so when you say "OR" isn't the point a) to raise awareness and b) to also help find a cure, which requires resources and more people making donations. 

My other issue in general with this challenge- we United States residents, Americans- are VERY privileged to even be able to consider this type of challenge. We are privileged to have water to LITERALLY WASTE! While doing this less than 1 minute video plug when there are countries, and people who have to walk miles just to get a days worth of water and we have no problem just dumping it. In my mind not only should we be doing a challenge to support ALS, but we should also then pay an additional amount of money to support water resources in countries that are lacking. California- gotta love my former home, is fining individuals who are posting videos about them participating in this Ice Bucket Challenge. And maybe unlike the person who is getting fined, I am proud of California for taking this stand. California is currently in one of it's worst droughts that have destroyed many crops and there is a clear correlation in recent weeks to continued loss of water due to the ice bucket challenge. 

This example above is probably most reflective of Social Justice and advocacy, in an attempt to find some balance, you recognize that it isn't always going to be fair, but you also have to be mindful of the other negative impacts that can occur as well.

So what does it all mean- Mike Brown, Robin Williams, ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? ( I haven't even mentioned what is happening over seas) For me it means that I have faith. We live in a world that issues matter, while they might be conflicting issues, the reality is social justice is a tangled web of intersections. No issue should be better than the other. And what I have seen at least in these last few weeks with these few stories that I have highlighted is that people care enough to 1 be outraged and 2 stand up and say something about it. 

My final thought prayer. I pray that we see an end to this need of being outraged. I pray that we get it together to realize that we don't have to live in a world with these tensions. Yes it doesn't mean that it has to be pain free, but I believe in a God who cares, who loves the world, who wants more for us than what we are living now. I pray that I don't have to walk in fear that my future sons need to be under a constant state of being mindful of their presence in certain spaces. I pray that not another life has to be lost because they are unable to live in the world and are constantly facing this turmoil and imbalance in their spirit. I pray that we find a cure for diseases, that not another family like Anthony's has to go through generations of pain.

It's our time to be outraged, but it's also our time to stand up...

What's in a name?...

Hey Y'all:
 So maybe I am just in one of my Brother Malcolm moods. I tend to get this way from time to time, where I become extremely sensitive to areas in which I think micro aggressions are occurring.

What is a Micro Aggression?- A theory that proposes that interactions between those of different, races, genders and cultures can be interpreted as small acts of non-physical aggression.

If you are fascinated by Critical Race Theory then this is something you should take a look at. It's really interesting and it can be connected to the subtle "jokes" that people make, to even the larger scale continuation of not pronouncing a person's name accurately or continually calling a Latina- Maria when her name is Elizabeth.

Anyway, it't the latter that kind of confuses me.

If you haven't seen this viral video of Mateo talking to his mom Linda, then I really need you to watch it for the pure humor. It only makes me more satisfied that little Mateo and his family are from San Jose California- Bay Area, stand up!

It's not this video that has me frustrated or annoyed, it's the video where Mateo and his mother go on the Ellen show:

What annoys me, is his name is Mateo. His mom is addressing him as Mateo, but Ellen continues to call him Matthew.. Now it might be something that other people have missed or don't even catch, but I cant be excited for this moment for Mateo, because all I keep getting frustrated with is the fact that Ellen keeps calling him something other than his name. Now.. I get it, translate Mateo into American English and it becomes Matthew. But his name IS Mateo! Why call him Matthew.

I might also be frustrated by the cultural assimilation that Ellen- probably not intentionally, proposes. It's annoying that in order to make things a little more palpable for others we have to conform to some notions that our names don't matter. I don't say this without my own biases.. I choose not to use my full name- Nakeesha, when I am being addressed. I choose only to go by Keesha. But, in doing so I am taking away the power of the name that my parents blessed me with and the meaning behind that name. As I get older, I allow that name to be used more often, but it still doesn't come with a sense of some general shock. But it's a choice, that I MADE.. Not someone else.

Maybe I shouldn't be so frustrated, but I think the conflict arose when the mother spoke and she called him Mateo, but Ellen speaking to Mateo said "Matthew."

---Let the commentary begin.

Undefeated- A mindset not just about stats

Hey y'all so I am taking this post from one of my other blogs- my SportsGal89 Blog. I felt it necessary because of the passions I have in sports to also share this here with you. I am adding a little more to what was originally written because I think it is telling to know what or how you can Be the Change for others around you without even knowing it.

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Hey Y'all It's your favorite SportsGal89 Innnnnnnnnnnn the Buildin'. I am bringing you today a different style in my posts then I have normally.
  Today I am posting still about sports, but it's the sides we don't always talk about or it's the beginning of the journey for the players that we constantly cheer for but don't always know what drives them when they play.
  I watched a well celebrated documentary about a 2009 Tennessee Football Team called "Undefeated." It is one of the BEST documentaries that I have seen and still very much a reminder of what I feel is a true responsibility of fans of the game to remember what these athletes are putting themselves through or what adversity they are overcoming to "entertain" us for a lack of a better word. Yes, they make careers out of the game that they love and something that they are passionate about, but it's bigger than that.

Undefeated- Simply means NOT DEFEATED! What a brilliant title. When you think football (or any sport for that matter) and you think the word undefeated you assume that what it means is that the team had one heck of a season. That they had however many wins and no losses.

But as the story continues I realized that undefeated was never about football, it was about life. Coach Courtney, the coach of the team opens with this great quote, "Young men of character end up winning in life and winning in football." His investment in these inner city kids, who are up against life was so amazing. Undefeated for these young men was about being undefeated in life.

Coach Courtney told the young men after they had their first loss of the season that "The character of a man is not measured in how he handles his wins, but how he handles his failures." When life gets a hold of us in general we are all measured by how we handle our failures. Do we allow it to cripple us or do we get back up, head high and keep pressing forward?

One of the players, O.C. Brown was slated to be the most recruited out of the players on the team. But he had a huge obstacle, one that I see constantly in athletes and one of those areas that I will continue to be passionate about. O.C.'s hindrance was his grades. He was skilled on the field, but in the classroom he struggled. This is something we see in athletes all the time. Especially when it comes to College Ball, you can't play if you don't have the grades- It's called STUDENT athlete, not athlete student. But there is a lot at risk when you come from a community like these boys do. If they are not prepared adequately to be able to do both then how do they succeed. The other part of it is, the preparation sets them up to be able to handle the new environment in college. I am always fascinated to know what happened to the people in documentaries after we see a glimpse of their success. So I Googled it- I won't share that here, because I want you to see the film before you know the outcome of his story.

But 4 years changes people, and if you are an urban male youth who is not exposed to certain things, a change as drastic as going to college with the mindset that you are an athlete student, will lead to a lot of struggles.

I loved this documentary for giving me a chance to see the back story of the next great College Star or NFL player.

I think as fans of the game we need to remember their story, we need to share it and celebrate it.

I need you to  get on your Netflix account and check out this film. I promise you it will be worth it. You will walk away from the screen, whether it be tv or computer, and you will be satisfied. You will be encouraged and moved. I am so glad I got to watch this film, and there is still probably a lot that I can ponder on about the documentary, but I think I am going to leave that for my other blog- Be the Change.  

That's all she wrote focus, please watch this documentary!

"You don't quit because you are frustrated you just keep going"- Coach Courtney #Undefeated

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So why am I sharing this here with you now. Because, Coach Courtney was just a volunteer who invested in these young men's lives without question. He battled with them and what they were up against for 6 years. He sacrificed time with his family to invest in this larger family he was creating. I think we all have a responsibility to get out of our own way and realize how much of a gift it is to share our life, our story a testimony with others. I am learning this lesson in a big way, more than I realized I would.

We live our lives somewhat sheltered and closed off from people we are around. We don't take time to listen to the stories of the people we pass in the street and we miss out on real opportunities to care for others around us. I have trouble letting people in, but I am free and open in sharing with the Internet. Ha, but what could I be doing for young people, a generation I care deeply about, if I don't open myself a little more and take that risk?

We have it in our capacity to change lives to really make a difference. I know I can be a difference for a generation and I know you can too!