It's not about having the "Right words," but having words, PERIODT.

In light of the recent case of Amhaud Arbery who was murdered in what can only be named a hate crime. It's in moments like this- Black death as a result of racism, creates emotional upheaval for me personally- as a Black woman in the United States. It breaks my heart and if you look back to these posts, you'll see that race relations has been a significant through-line for me.

This recent murder and the footage that was released almost two months after his killing, raised many of the same emotions and feelings of disruption, disappointment, anger and fear, that the previous cases have. The collective grief that becomes unearthed at each tragic loss is very much an open wound for many Black, African descent Americans. 

I was reading a Blog Post from Hillsong Collected, titled The World Needs a Saviour by Ps. Bobbie Houston. In it Ps. Bobbie notes the following:

 empathy is “the ability to lean in and identify with the difficulties of another”, regardless of whether you have experienced that difficultly firsthand or not.

 Reading this literally raised something for me that I didn't quite dig at as much. In times passed, I have struggled with what feels like silence, particularly from white people around the racism that is being actively displayed on social media platforms, in the form of Black death. It has been frustrating at times to feel like, my pain is not recognized, cared for, or even validated. 

I have at times "lashed" out on the silence of friends, hoping to break through to connect with the human experience and the pain and suffering that either I or others are experiencing. 

What I hear and took time to listen to with more intention this last time was "I don't know the words to say."

WHEW!!!

When I finally heard and really received those statements in the context of this loss of life, I realized something. My friends' statements vocally or through their social media platforms, stating "I don't know the words to say..." isn't a bad thing. It isn't a silent thing as I was making it out to be. 

 I struggle a lot with having words and really ,"the right words," to say to make someone feel better. It's in our nature when grief comes to be able to say the "right" words to "fix" something. To make our friends, family, whomever we are interacting with "feel better."

It is in this way of entering the conversation that I myself have failed. One significant detail that comes to mind is the Pulse Shootings in Orlando in 2016. I didn't "rally" the way I can sometimes expect my friends to "rally" for me when someone who looks like me is murdered in a very public way. I missed an opportunity to be present for my friends who were in pain and were likely hurting from the aftermath of these shootings. 

I realize I don't always "rally" for my friends navigating with trauma proximate to their lives.... Why? Not having the "right" words. The words I hope that bring solace or comfort or "fix" the problem.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with others who rejoice; Mourn with those who mourn

 

 There are no "right" words that will take the pain away. But we show up anyway. Romans 12:15 makes it pretty plain and simple-rejoice with others who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  That alone gives us a tie back to Empathy. You don't have to be connected to the emotions directly in order to say, I am with you. 

Right words are words of love. 

Right words are words of validating someone else's emotions.

Right words are words that tell some one you care about, I don't have the answers. I know I can't fix this thing, but I see your pain and I am with you. 

Right words are words that celebrate the highs and are there in the lows. 

Right words are getting out of our own way. Our comfort and being proximate to someone else's pain. Not because you "get it," but because you may want to. 

Right words are merely showing up, saying I see you and I am with you.