"A Plague on both your houses," For #Trayvon

I have been silent for the most part when it comes to the story of #TrayvonMartin. I was vocal and just as outraged as the rest of the nation when news first broke that a young 17 unarmed boy was killed while walking home from a store. My call for justice was that the known suspect would be taken into custody and that we allowed the courts to handle it. Through the course of the 28 or 29 day trial, I have stayed away from the news and anything remotely close to the case. Sometimes though that is easier said than done; in what I was trying to separate myself from, I got sucked in. Into the disgusting way a young woman was viewed by the public who commented on how she spoke, the fact that she lied about her age etc. Into the social media day to day response about what was happening in the court room and what would be the outcome. On Saturday a verdict was laid down- “Not guilty.” And like many others, my social media outlets erupted. I have been tuning in at a distance so as not to be emotionally wrapped up in what is happening. Seeing the comments from all sides is stressful: there are those who comment that race should not be a factor, there are those who say that in the value of justice, our system did what it was supposed to, there are those who are outraged, who feel let down by a system that continuously tells them their lives are not valuable or worthy enough for “guilty.” In seeing this back and forth I have wanted to comment, I have wanted to scream, cry out and shout.

In the wake of it all I was only able to post this:

My silence isn't because I don't have a ton to say. My silence is because I don't know HOW to say it.. 

I have been reading my news feed, and taking in a lot of comments. Some points I agree with and some points I disagree with. I have been seeing posts on Twitter and through other media outlets, and have seen the arguments from both sides. But my heart still weeps because in spite of our arguing a young man is still dead and we are no more closer to a better society.

I know now is the time to vent, to speak from your emotion, but I do hope that people take time to think before they speak. What we are seeing as a result of the Zimmerman Trial is just emotion. What comes later when the "smoke settles," is a time for healing and you can't heal if you spent this time shooting other people down. 

Healing means a time for ALL people to come together and grieve. Because we lost a human life and collectively we lost a part of our development as a better society.

So don't mistake my silence for not paying attention, I am simply seeking discernment and wisdom because despite our differences of opinion today, I NEED you in order to survive this life tomorrow...

Ella Baker, a SHEro of the Civil Rights movement once said "Remember, we are not fighting for the freedom of the Negro alone, but for the freedom of the human spirit a larger freedom that encompasses all mankind.”

I guess, that quote is a great starting place for this conversation. This case for me fundamentally is at the fault of all of us. We allowed a system in which it was okay for someone to stereotype another person and cause loss of a young life. We allowed a system where a flawed gun law protected him.

To those of my friends who do not identify with Black or African- American, until you have walked in my shoes, you will NEVER understand the emotions and thoughts that I go through, most especially when it is heightened in moments such as these. Making comments, posting status updates and sharing articles about what you believe is flawed, is your way of being able to contribute to the conversation. But what I ask instead of discounting, undermining and telling me my feelings are not valid, that you take time to listen. Do not dismiss me, us..

To my friends who might not identify with the Black/ African- American Community, our outrage is not simply because of #TrayvonMartin, our outrage is what he represents- the COLLECTIVE GRIEVANCES, EMOTIONAL STRESS and LOSS OF LIFE . Trayvon will never again be an individual, instead he will be the heartache that a community feels.

When you say we don’t understand the justice system, understand that historically the justice system has time and time again, let this community down. Understand that you are speaking from a place of privilege without having to have this history as your backdrop. When more of our Black men are in jail or their murders are not upheld in the same rate or fashion of those of other races it becomes an issue. When Trayvon was killed, it was on the heels of series of misses by the justice system- see Sean Bell, see Oscar Grant; Two cases that recently saw lax responses by the courts when the deaths of these two individuals was unnecessary.

While I understand your wanting to remove the Black/White Binary that litters this story today, you also have to understand that there IS no running away from it. It lives in the very fabric of what this country is and until we are comfortable to talk about it we will never get away from it. A friend shared an article during the aftermath of the case, where the Black author was questioned by her white friend who said “Why are you (my Black friend) so sensitive to race.” This question sparked a lot of frustration by the author, echoing several points that I have listed and will list through this blog. But it also raised this one for me- why do you (her white friend) think that you are NOT sensitive to it? In quickly dismissing our feelings, by saying we are sensitive to race, I believe that you are showing how sensitive you are to it. On the one hand you have Black individuals who are happy to confront the issues of race- if that calls us sensitive, because we are no longer willing to allow race conversations to be these subtle digs in our lives, than SORRY, NOT SORRY!!! But in your statement it reminds me that you are not to easily able to confront it either.

To those who say we live in a post-racial society, PLEASE do some research, spend some time talking to those of us in the community who constantly feel the pressures of the world around us. Yes, some of it is an ingrained sense of anxiety, but the other part of it is reality—too often it gets dismissed by others of our community saying we are “playing the race card,” and at other times it gets dismissed by other communities because they feel like we are past the tense race issues of the past. Because there are no dogs, fire hoses, cross burnings and lynchings, doesn’t mean that race conflict does not exist in this country. Because you can’t see it and touch it, doesn’t mean it’s not real. You don’t know my reality, our reality and the privilege you have is that you don’t have to know or feel that reality. But you must at least respect that it exists. You must at least have an interest in recognizing that it is an experience that we have. And you must accept the privilege that you have in not dealing with it the way we do.

In moments like these, my frustration lays in the WHEN will we be at the point. I think for our community we continue to have situations like these that we just "add to the pile," and I think people misunderstand that our outrage and outcry isn't because of this one situation, but that it adds to the collective grieving historically that our community has been faced with.. But I caution our community in these moments to use terms, "Like not in our lifetime." I want the WHEN to happen IN my lifetime.

At the core of Trayvon Martin is this misunderstood sense of Justice. We have this idea that Justice is mean to do something for good an evil. That Justice means retribution. In this case specifically, “not guilty” did not deny the fact that George Zimmerman is at fault for the death of Trayvon Martin. What “not guilty” did was say that George Zimmerman acted in his right to protect himself. It said that there wasn’t enough evidence to prove that he acted out of his turn. I know that this is a tough thing for many of us to understand, but I think we all need to take a step back. This should invigorate us to take politics and government more seriously, we should be moved to educate ourselves, our peers and our community about the system and we should work to make it work for us. In this time, the parents of Trayvon Martin need healing. He is no longer just their son. Like the many Black boys, known and unknown, Trayvon became ours. He became the image that we can add to the story that is so cloudy and painful. He will never just be theirs alone and this is their time to regroup to grieve again and to have that peace.

Before we ask them to take up our stripes even more, we need to give them time. I urge our leaders who speak about this case to be mindful that there are some people who just simply don’t know. While we argue that it is 2013, we can’t expect them to know in a time and in a country that is unwilling to make it matter.

So going back to Ms. Baker’s quote—Trayvon is our son. His story is our story and it is our responsibility to make up for our mistakes and failures so that we do not have another Trayvon story in our future. Until then, " a plague on both your houses." A line from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. When the bickering of the families was much greater than the loss of life of both Romeo and Juliet. 

The denial of both communities to acknowledge their insecurities, privileges and lack of will power to discuss race- a Plague on us. Shame on us!

I hope that more than anything this life of 17, continues to spark a conversation. We have more work to do.

That's all she wrote!